5/19/09

Full Circle

Hmmmm......let's see.....I don't even know what I'm going to write about. In fact, I won't even title this post until the end, so that I can figure out what I said!! I'm just in one of those moods........blurry, vague, mindless, foggy.....

I'm tired from a busy and unusual weekend so, hopefully that's the main culprit for my status. I actually got to see my niece, Shana this weekend, who flew in to Virginia Beach from San Diego for her brother, Justin's graduation. Shana reminds me of me when I was her age in her situation and mindset. We both left home at a young age -- across the country -- and made stable lives for ourselves. We were both adaptable and acclimated easily to a totally different culture. We both found love and serious relationships, careers, and a unique array of friends.

I know that because I moved away from home at such a young age, it changed who I was, in a sense. Probably for the better. I became, almost a little more "worldly" if you will, especially since I came from such a small, stagnant, and conservative area of the east coast. I think the same has happened to Shana but, in a different way, for she was a "military brat," as they say and lived in many different areas of the country, including California. So, she had an advantage over me! But, she left her immediate family when she was 18 (like I was) and has successfully made a life for herself far away from them. Not many teenagers are able to do that......believe me! However, I moved to San Antonio, Texas and lived with my sister Deb (Shana's mother) and Dave for awhile until I could get my own place. I had family out there.....whereas, Shana did not --- in Cali.

I guess you could say my life has come full circle. I'm back near the area in which I grew up. After a long and eventful time of moving, colleges, friends, relationships, and careers. I feel ok with where I am now, geographically speaking. I'm not happy with where my career is at the moment but, hopefully I can change that soon. I like being a "country girl" once again, where there was a time that I didn't like that title. I love the heritage here, that I really never embraced while growing up. I love the landscapes here in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, even after living in the Colorado Rockies (a place where I was determined to live). I love the bluegrass music -- something I was ashamed of when I was younger, even though my grandfather played a kick-ass fiddle in his time. Although, I have now been classically trained in music, I realize the depth and richness of that "old-time" music. It's true that you really don't appreciate things until you're much older.

I don't know where, when, or how Shana will come full circle in her life. I know she doesn't have the same history that I did as a child. She moved around with her military family a lot while I stayed in the same house until I was 18. But, I feel she will find her place wherever she decides to settle. Perhaps she has already found it in California. She has an exciting life ahead of her and already has an incredibly strong and stable persona at such a young age. I'm quite proud of who she has become and I know that even if she were not my neice, I would still enjoy being her friend. She has gotten so darn smart, charming, and absolutely gorgeous! I wish only the best for my little pickle toes (my nickname for her when she was very young). I love her like I would my own daughter......I always have actually. In fact, I probably wanted to be her mother when she was young!!! She was such a fun, sweet, and entertaining little girl.

This weekend, Shana and I were reminiscing about our trip to France. I took her with me as a high school graduation gift to her. We had an amazing time! Not just because it was France, but because we both tackled the unfamiliarity and challenge of a foreign country with a different language. We were quite proud of ourselves for being able to do the things we did and see the places we saw. We ventured all over Paris and the small town of Fere un Tardenois by ourselves and never felt afraid. Perhaps, in some way, that trip inspired and planted the seed for Shana to feel she could "go off" by herself in the world and succeed. Who knows.......

So, I guess I know what to title this post now. I began writing, not really knowing what I would write about. It's funny how writing can conjure up memories and events that you haven't thought of in a while. It's during these times that you can look at your life (almost from a distance) and see how the places, people, and events all fit into place; how they have made you the person you are; and how they make you realize that indeed, your life has come full circle.

3 comments:

Shana said...

Jenny, you amaze me! I love you so much and am proud to be your neice!

Anonymous said...

I was just sharing with Todd after Shana left to go back to San Diego that I see such a grown up responsible young lady .... and it makes me both proud and a little sad. I think the proudness speaks for itself, but the sadness comes only from a mother's heart. I gave birth to this beautiful baby girl almost 26 years ago. I thought she was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. Those big blue eyes and yes the full heart shaped lips. I thanked GOD for this perfect precious baby. Over the years I watched her grown into a very incredible woman. I will not deny there were some tough times thrown in there, moving from CA to San Antonio and he middle school years ...oh my ... and the decision to accept the fact at the age of 19 to let her move across country to San Diego at the young age of 19 to find her way was very hard ... I had enough faith in GOD to oversee her way and protect her along the way. Now, I see this woman she has become, and even more beautiful than that baby girl I had those years ago. Thank you sis for honoring my beautiful Shana. I too feel the same as you. She will forever be our little pickle toes no matter how far she goes in life .... I pray she never loses sight of her roots, the folks that loved her from the start and loved her unconditionally and most of all believed in her.

Anonymous said...

oh gheeeeez i accidentally hit post comment instead of preview.......ok, sister Jen the teacher in you.....overlook the errors and cut to the chase of my heartfelt words....sorry about that.