Gareth (my 2-year-old) always wants me or his Dad in his presence if at all possible. Whenever one of us walks into the room where he is playing or watching TV, he'll pat the couch or chair and say, "right here." This cute gesture of his immediately brings a smile to my face, of course. For he is the light of my life, this little being. A ray of sunshine in my sometimes cloudy life.
I read a lot! I love reading. It's one of my passions. I read fiction and non-fiction. The non-fiction that I read is usually spiritually based or something along the lines of "getting my head straight." I'm constantly seeking answers it seems, hoping to find those "ah-ha" revelations in one book after another. I've been known to read 4 or 5 books at a time!!! Especially the non-fiction, because I'm eagerly awaiting for the epiphany....... the realization....... the answer.
I also look at websites that offer advice, insight, and .......answers. The web is loaded with this stuff and I'm right there surfing along, trying to find......the answer. This morning, I was on Oprah's website looking at several of her featured authors' blogs. You can scroll down and find most any topic of self-help or better yet, buy their book for the full result! As I quickly skimmed through one blog after another, I caught myself and had my own realization. I know where the answers are. They are where they have always been. Inside me. God gave us a spritual life-line that's connected to his all-knowingness. Call it what you will...... instinct, intuition, common sense! But, we all have it. So, as I sat there reading a blog and had this moment of inspiration..........I closed my eyes........put my hand on my chest..... and thought to myself, those sweet and simple words......RIGHT HERE!
7/10/09
5/19/09
Full Circle
Hmmmm......let's see.....I don't even know what I'm going to write about. In fact, I won't even title this post until the end, so that I can figure out what I said!! I'm just in one of those moods........blurry, vague, mindless, foggy.....
I'm tired from a busy and unusual weekend so, hopefully that's the main culprit for my status. I actually got to see my niece, Shana this weekend, who flew in to Virginia Beach from San Diego for her brother, Justin's graduation. Shana reminds me of me when I was her age in her situation and mindset. We both left home at a young age -- across the country -- and made stable lives for ourselves. We were both adaptable and acclimated easily to a totally different culture. We both found love and serious relationships, careers, and a unique array of friends.
I know that because I moved away from home at such a young age, it changed who I was, in a sense. Probably for the better. I became, almost a little more "worldly" if you will, especially since I came from such a small, stagnant, and conservative area of the east coast. I think the same has happened to Shana but, in a different way, for she was a "military brat," as they say and lived in many different areas of the country, including California. So, she had an advantage over me! But, she left her immediate family when she was 18 (like I was) and has successfully made a life for herself far away from them. Not many teenagers are able to do that......believe me! However, I moved to San Antonio, Texas and lived with my sister Deb (Shana's mother) and Dave for awhile until I could get my own place. I had family out there.....whereas, Shana did not --- in Cali.
I guess you could say my life has come full circle. I'm back near the area in which I grew up. After a long and eventful time of moving, colleges, friends, relationships, and careers. I feel ok with where I am now, geographically speaking. I'm not happy with where my career is at the moment but, hopefully I can change that soon. I like being a "country girl" once again, where there was a time that I didn't like that title. I love the heritage here, that I really never embraced while growing up. I love the landscapes here in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, even after living in the Colorado Rockies (a place where I was determined to live). I love the bluegrass music -- something I was ashamed of when I was younger, even though my grandfather played a kick-ass fiddle in his time. Although, I have now been classically trained in music, I realize the depth and richness of that "old-time" music. It's true that you really don't appreciate things until you're much older.
I don't know where, when, or how Shana will come full circle in her life. I know she doesn't have the same history that I did as a child. She moved around with her military family a lot while I stayed in the same house until I was 18. But, I feel she will find her place wherever she decides to settle. Perhaps she has already found it in California. She has an exciting life ahead of her and already has an incredibly strong and stable persona at such a young age. I'm quite proud of who she has become and I know that even if she were not my neice, I would still enjoy being her friend. She has gotten so darn smart, charming, and absolutely gorgeous! I wish only the best for my little pickle toes (my nickname for her when she was very young). I love her like I would my own daughter......I always have actually. In fact, I probably wanted to be her mother when she was young!!! She was such a fun, sweet, and entertaining little girl.
This weekend, Shana and I were reminiscing about our trip to France. I took her with me as a high school graduation gift to her. We had an amazing time! Not just because it was France, but because we both tackled the unfamiliarity and challenge of a foreign country with a different language. We were quite proud of ourselves for being able to do the things we did and see the places we saw. We ventured all over Paris and the small town of Fere un Tardenois by ourselves and never felt afraid. Perhaps, in some way, that trip inspired and planted the seed for Shana to feel she could "go off" by herself in the world and succeed. Who knows.......
So, I guess I know what to title this post now. I began writing, not really knowing what I would write about. It's funny how writing can conjure up memories and events that you haven't thought of in a while. It's during these times that you can look at your life (almost from a distance) and see how the places, people, and events all fit into place; how they have made you the person you are; and how they make you realize that indeed, your life has come full circle.
I'm tired from a busy and unusual weekend so, hopefully that's the main culprit for my status. I actually got to see my niece, Shana this weekend, who flew in to Virginia Beach from San Diego for her brother, Justin's graduation. Shana reminds me of me when I was her age in her situation and mindset. We both left home at a young age -- across the country -- and made stable lives for ourselves. We were both adaptable and acclimated easily to a totally different culture. We both found love and serious relationships, careers, and a unique array of friends.
I know that because I moved away from home at such a young age, it changed who I was, in a sense. Probably for the better. I became, almost a little more "worldly" if you will, especially since I came from such a small, stagnant, and conservative area of the east coast. I think the same has happened to Shana but, in a different way, for she was a "military brat," as they say and lived in many different areas of the country, including California. So, she had an advantage over me! But, she left her immediate family when she was 18 (like I was) and has successfully made a life for herself far away from them. Not many teenagers are able to do that......believe me! However, I moved to San Antonio, Texas and lived with my sister Deb (Shana's mother) and Dave for awhile until I could get my own place. I had family out there.....whereas, Shana did not --- in Cali.
I guess you could say my life has come full circle. I'm back near the area in which I grew up. After a long and eventful time of moving, colleges, friends, relationships, and careers. I feel ok with where I am now, geographically speaking. I'm not happy with where my career is at the moment but, hopefully I can change that soon. I like being a "country girl" once again, where there was a time that I didn't like that title. I love the heritage here, that I really never embraced while growing up. I love the landscapes here in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, even after living in the Colorado Rockies (a place where I was determined to live). I love the bluegrass music -- something I was ashamed of when I was younger, even though my grandfather played a kick-ass fiddle in his time. Although, I have now been classically trained in music, I realize the depth and richness of that "old-time" music. It's true that you really don't appreciate things until you're much older.
I don't know where, when, or how Shana will come full circle in her life. I know she doesn't have the same history that I did as a child. She moved around with her military family a lot while I stayed in the same house until I was 18. But, I feel she will find her place wherever she decides to settle. Perhaps she has already found it in California. She has an exciting life ahead of her and already has an incredibly strong and stable persona at such a young age. I'm quite proud of who she has become and I know that even if she were not my neice, I would still enjoy being her friend. She has gotten so darn smart, charming, and absolutely gorgeous! I wish only the best for my little pickle toes (my nickname for her when she was very young). I love her like I would my own daughter......I always have actually. In fact, I probably wanted to be her mother when she was young!!! She was such a fun, sweet, and entertaining little girl.
This weekend, Shana and I were reminiscing about our trip to France. I took her with me as a high school graduation gift to her. We had an amazing time! Not just because it was France, but because we both tackled the unfamiliarity and challenge of a foreign country with a different language. We were quite proud of ourselves for being able to do the things we did and see the places we saw. We ventured all over Paris and the small town of Fere un Tardenois by ourselves and never felt afraid. Perhaps, in some way, that trip inspired and planted the seed for Shana to feel she could "go off" by herself in the world and succeed. Who knows.......
So, I guess I know what to title this post now. I began writing, not really knowing what I would write about. It's funny how writing can conjure up memories and events that you haven't thought of in a while. It's during these times that you can look at your life (almost from a distance) and see how the places, people, and events all fit into place; how they have made you the person you are; and how they make you realize that indeed, your life has come full circle.
5/12/09
Who Am I? Where Am I? What Am I Doing?
Well, I haven't been posting on this blog like I had originally planned. It seems that everytime I attempt to, I have a distraction. Let's see, there's Gareth of course, or I'm too sleepy, the phone rings, Maggie needs out, I need to clean the house, or ......... I'm just not inspired.
I'm realizing more and more during this age of technology (just cell phones and the computer for me) that we really don't take time to clear our heads and our schedules to just go within and listen to what's going on inside of US. We sure know what's going on in the rest of world via CNN 24/7, FaceBook, MySpace, text messages, emails, and whatever else we're in tune with. Before I immersed myself in technology (mainly the '80's) I took a lot more time to read, think, and reflect. I meditated, prayed, and wrote poetry and songs. I sewed and made crafts!! I played my guitar and piano. I don't do half of these things anymore and I blame it on technology. We're lured into the traps of "going places" (cyberly speaking) with the push of a button. We read about other people's thoughts, lives, and ideas.
I wonder what I would do if all of these things were taken away from me for about a month. What would I do with my time? I hope that I would find "me" again and get to know myself like I used to. I certainly reflected what was in my heart and my head through my songs and poetry. I meditated and talked to God. I listened to my albums, cassette tapes, and later, CDs. I was inspired by the lyrics of songs and books that I would stay up all night to read.
Yes, my life is so different now. I've lived in many places, met tons of people, and have friends all over the world. I've taken 100's of classes and become knowledgeable in a whole lot of stuff!! But, I know all this stuff and all these people and don't really know me anymore. I mean, I do know me but, I'm not listening to the engine that makes me run. I'm sure it has some clicks and knocks and spewing going on. And just like our automobiles, I know I need a periodic tune up, check up, and pick up to keep me running on all four cylinders.
I know that by indulging myself into these quiet and meditative practices, I will feel more complete, happy, and inspired. So, if you see more posts on this blog in the future than of late, you'll know that I took more time to find out what's going on in the life and mind and heart of Jenny.
I'm realizing more and more during this age of technology (just cell phones and the computer for me) that we really don't take time to clear our heads and our schedules to just go within and listen to what's going on inside of US. We sure know what's going on in the rest of world via CNN 24/7, FaceBook, MySpace, text messages, emails, and whatever else we're in tune with. Before I immersed myself in technology (mainly the '80's) I took a lot more time to read, think, and reflect. I meditated, prayed, and wrote poetry and songs. I sewed and made crafts!! I played my guitar and piano. I don't do half of these things anymore and I blame it on technology. We're lured into the traps of "going places" (cyberly speaking) with the push of a button. We read about other people's thoughts, lives, and ideas.
I wonder what I would do if all of these things were taken away from me for about a month. What would I do with my time? I hope that I would find "me" again and get to know myself like I used to. I certainly reflected what was in my heart and my head through my songs and poetry. I meditated and talked to God. I listened to my albums, cassette tapes, and later, CDs. I was inspired by the lyrics of songs and books that I would stay up all night to read.
Yes, my life is so different now. I've lived in many places, met tons of people, and have friends all over the world. I've taken 100's of classes and become knowledgeable in a whole lot of stuff!! But, I know all this stuff and all these people and don't really know me anymore. I mean, I do know me but, I'm not listening to the engine that makes me run. I'm sure it has some clicks and knocks and spewing going on. And just like our automobiles, I know I need a periodic tune up, check up, and pick up to keep me running on all four cylinders.
I know that by indulging myself into these quiet and meditative practices, I will feel more complete, happy, and inspired. So, if you see more posts on this blog in the future than of late, you'll know that I took more time to find out what's going on in the life and mind and heart of Jenny.
4/24/09
Decorating Delight
Decorating my home (and there have been many!!!) has always been important to me. I love to decorate, as do my three sisters, and my mother. I'm sure we all get it from Mama but, we all have different styles and tastes when it comes to decorating our homes. I've always wondered why we all do that. Obviously, our home environment is important to us; not only by the way it looks but, how it makes us feel.
When I decorate, it's a reflection of many things. Obviously my taste, which has changed many times over the years. Since I like several different styles, I have a mixture of them in my home. I also include items that have been given to me, either by family members, friends, or former students. These fixtures have become special to me and bring comfort and familiarity to my space, especially if I have just moved. Finally, I feel that my decorating is a reflection of my need to feel "at home." To feel safe. To have reminders that show where I've been, what I've seen, and how I've aged! Some of my decor has been with me for over 20 years!
Whatever the reasons that have made my family and me avid decorators of our homes, I do know that it brings us feelings of security, sentimentality, and even pride. I think we've all received positive reactions from others regarding our decorating and we enjoy that. I love it when my house is clean and orderly -- which is when the decor really shows -- and I can entertain guests and family. My husband could care less, but I relish in this stuff!
None of us (sisters) ever splurge on a manicure or designer clothes but, we don't think twice about dishing out 7$ on a decorating magazine. If we all were to walk into our Mother's home and spot a Country Living magazine, we would probably all scamper to see it first! There's nothing like flipping through all of those pages of colors, furniture, flowers, and how others have decorated.
I still think I need to assess and analyze this a little more. There must be some deep-seeded reasons for why we all "live" to decorate our homes. May it be Freudian, OCD, or some oddly rooted passion; I feel that the reason will definitely define us in some unique way......a way that only an Ayers girl could understand.
When I decorate, it's a reflection of many things. Obviously my taste, which has changed many times over the years. Since I like several different styles, I have a mixture of them in my home. I also include items that have been given to me, either by family members, friends, or former students. These fixtures have become special to me and bring comfort and familiarity to my space, especially if I have just moved. Finally, I feel that my decorating is a reflection of my need to feel "at home." To feel safe. To have reminders that show where I've been, what I've seen, and how I've aged! Some of my decor has been with me for over 20 years!
Whatever the reasons that have made my family and me avid decorators of our homes, I do know that it brings us feelings of security, sentimentality, and even pride. I think we've all received positive reactions from others regarding our decorating and we enjoy that. I love it when my house is clean and orderly -- which is when the decor really shows -- and I can entertain guests and family. My husband could care less, but I relish in this stuff!
None of us (sisters) ever splurge on a manicure or designer clothes but, we don't think twice about dishing out 7$ on a decorating magazine. If we all were to walk into our Mother's home and spot a Country Living magazine, we would probably all scamper to see it first! There's nothing like flipping through all of those pages of colors, furniture, flowers, and how others have decorated.
I still think I need to assess and analyze this a little more. There must be some deep-seeded reasons for why we all "live" to decorate our homes. May it be Freudian, OCD, or some oddly rooted passion; I feel that the reason will definitely define us in some unique way......a way that only an Ayers girl could understand.
4/21/09
Maggie
My dog Maggie is 11 years old, blind, and almost deaf. She's trying to get used to her new surroundings at the Blue House. Today, I couldn't find her and totally freaked out! She got out of our gate and wandered off. I looked all over our property several times but, couldn't go far because of Gareth. While he took his nap, I went out once again to try to find her. It's almost useless to call for her since she can barely hear. Right before I went out to look for her for the fourth time, I asked for help in finding her. As I went outside, I seemed to know right where to go. Two houses down, in the backyard with a cow pasture, I saw her bushy tail go around the house. I took off running after her calling her. She never turned around. When I finally got to her I touched her and she immediately wagged her tail and rubbed up against me. I didn't have a leash but, she followed me home and seemed to be just as relieved as I was to get inside the house.
I thought about how amazing dogs are, to know someone immediately by a light touch and of course by the smell. Maggie seems to just know my presence and trusts me with her life. If only we (humans) would use our instincts, our intuition, and our hearts to trust others. To follow the path home on blind faith.....knowing that each step will bring you closer...... and knowing that you're being guided by love.
I thought about how amazing dogs are, to know someone immediately by a light touch and of course by the smell. Maggie seems to just know my presence and trusts me with her life. If only we (humans) would use our instincts, our intuition, and our hearts to trust others. To follow the path home on blind faith.....knowing that each step will bring you closer...... and knowing that you're being guided by love.
4/20/09
Inspiration
I had a small epiphany today. I realized that getting things done and actually being a "doer" comes from inspiration. When I don't feel inspired, I feel lazy. I feel basically lifeless and bored.
I think that people who watch too much TV have no inspiration. Unless of course, they are inspired by the shows they watch. For instance, I love HGTV and get lots of ideas from the different shows which inspire me to get off my butt and do something to make my house look better. TV addicts surely don't get very much done though. Let's face it, are we really inspired by reality TV?? And what about all of these teeny bopper shows like "Gossip Girl" " The Hills" and mindless, pointless other shows of that nature. I think all they do is teach our young people to be materialistic, rude to everyone, and have sex with all of their friends after they've gotten wasted at a bar in which they're too young to be at anyway. (now, yes, yes, I went to plenty of bars when I was underage but, I went to dance -- not to go home with guys and have sex. I did that when I was older!!)
If I sit down and surf channels, it's because I'm bored.....and ......you got it.....uninspired (if that's even a word). Oh yeah, I have my favorite shows like the rest of 'em. I love "Medium," "Ghost Whisperer," and "Dancing With the Stars" and I make a point to watch them each week. I wouldn't say they inspire me at all but, are a mere source of entertainment. Of course, I don't think there's anything wrong with seeking entertainment. However, if we are continually entertained by others on a daily basis, how will we ever entertain ourselves?
Get inspired! Get something done!
I think that people who watch too much TV have no inspiration. Unless of course, they are inspired by the shows they watch. For instance, I love HGTV and get lots of ideas from the different shows which inspire me to get off my butt and do something to make my house look better. TV addicts surely don't get very much done though. Let's face it, are we really inspired by reality TV?? And what about all of these teeny bopper shows like "Gossip Girl" " The Hills" and mindless, pointless other shows of that nature. I think all they do is teach our young people to be materialistic, rude to everyone, and have sex with all of their friends after they've gotten wasted at a bar in which they're too young to be at anyway. (now, yes, yes, I went to plenty of bars when I was underage but, I went to dance -- not to go home with guys and have sex. I did that when I was older!!)
If I sit down and surf channels, it's because I'm bored.....and ......you got it.....uninspired (if that's even a word). Oh yeah, I have my favorite shows like the rest of 'em. I love "Medium," "Ghost Whisperer," and "Dancing With the Stars" and I make a point to watch them each week. I wouldn't say they inspire me at all but, are a mere source of entertainment. Of course, I don't think there's anything wrong with seeking entertainment. However, if we are continually entertained by others on a daily basis, how will we ever entertain ourselves?
Get inspired! Get something done!
4/19/09
Writing poetry
My father loved poetry. He was able to recite very lengthy poems. When I was really young, I wrote poems. Often inspired by nature.....either sitting in the woods surrounding my home or at the ocean. It seems so difficult now as an adult to find inspiration. I never seem to have the time to just sit outside or in some calm setting and try to write a poem anymore.
I like this picture. Obviously because it's a nature setting. But, I also love how the details are set in the color blue. It changes the entire mood than if it were it's natural colors of greys, white, and browns. I also love how this picture incorporates the reflection in the water. That's always one of my favorite elements of any picture.
So, I am now going to use this picture as inspiration to write a poem. Here goes:
I looked for you today.
In the trees, by the water,
in the snow.
I listened and smelled and felt and saw.
And when I let my mind go quiet and still,
I knew I wouldn't need to look far.
For you were everywhere I looked and saw beauty,
Everything I heard that was peaceful,
Everything I smelled that brought pleasure,
Everything I felt that was love.
I like this picture. Obviously because it's a nature setting. But, I also love how the details are set in the color blue. It changes the entire mood than if it were it's natural colors of greys, white, and browns. I also love how this picture incorporates the reflection in the water. That's always one of my favorite elements of any picture.
So, I am now going to use this picture as inspiration to write a poem. Here goes:
I looked for you today.
In the trees, by the water,
in the snow.I listened and smelled and felt and saw.
And when I let my mind go quiet and still,
I knew I wouldn't need to look far.
For you were everywhere I looked and saw beauty,
Everything I heard that was peaceful,
Everything I smelled that brought pleasure,
Everything I felt that was love.
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